Take it Easy … on Yourself this Year

Are you a giver, a doer, a count on me type of person?  When was the last time you treated yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?  It’s a simple question that may not be easy to answer.  Many of us find the time and energy to be supportive or understanding to others, yet often berate ourselves for perceived personal failures. How kindly people view themselves, known as self-compassion is the basis for a burgeoning new area of psychological research and an area of self-care that we all must learn to adopt and adapt into our lives.

The research suggests that giving ourselves a break, taking time for ourselves and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health.  People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic.
 
So why aren’t we all full of self-compassion? Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field and an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin has found, “In my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid
they’ll become self-indulgent.  They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line.  Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

Think of times when you’ve helped someone who is struggling in school or work or eating too much junk food. You offer support, like getting professional guidance or making an effort to find and prepare healthful foods the person will enjoy.  But when we find ourselves in similar situations- struggling at home or work, or overeating and gaining weight-we often fall into a cycle of
self-criticism and negativity. This can leave us feeling even less motivated to change.

“Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation,” Dr. Neff says.  “The reason you don’t let children (or spouses or friends) eat five big tubs of ice cream is because you care about them.  
With self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.”

How can you start to do to develop self-compassion?  You can consider:

Creating a visual storyboard

Meditating or finding a personal mantra

Writing yourself a letter of support listing your best and worst traits

Remembering that nobody is perfect, think of steps you might take to help feel better about yourself
 
Finding a supportive class or creative outlet